first entry! i have so much to share :) but let me say this: this is basically going to be me documenting my situations, feelings, everything personal, i guess. anyone is welcome to view and read. i'm planning on updating and adding to this.. personal yet very public web diary very frequently. that out of the way, i want to express my feelings now. i'm very… very mentally unstable. i'm undiagnosed, i'm not in therapy, i have no friends i recently stopped hanging out with my “friends” at school. they paid no attention to me whatsoever; i got tired. beyond tired. so i left. and now i'm all alone. they don't even look in the same direction as me. that’s fine. i'm okay with that. i constantly say to myself, “i don't need anyone. i'm fine. i mean… i'm living. not happily, but i'm here!” i guess so, man.. i guess so.
im supposed to be in class right now, but im at home. i can't keep doing this. my absences will affect my grades, especially since finals are coming up soon. my parents think im missing because of some deeper reason to fucking annoy them or because im getting bullied or something. it's not that at all. every time i miss class, it makes me feel like an empty pit is growing in my stomach, knowing im becoming a disappointment. i deserve every lecture and scolding coming from any elder i know, yet i can't allow myself to listen. sorry.
iits been a while. a few things happeneed to me, surprisingly.. i will write back later :-).
blinked and now its a new year. i met someone in december, they said they loved me but they blocked me a few weeks ago. pretty beautiful. life always repeats. im not that hurt because i didnt really love them back? to really care, but it did hurt. kinda like being pierced. because now i have the coolest best friend ever (like how you get the shiny cool piercing after getting pierced yknow?) i dont know if bunny considers me as his best friend but it doesnt really matter. i really care about him and hes so cool.
i ate a thin mint today because my teacher offered me one. it reminded me of him. bunny. hes like a thin mint. im gonna tell him that when i get home. father took my phone away and lost it.. and oh yeah.. also.. my ex, catti (okay yeah all of these are fake names but they all relate to the person in some way) messaged me after.. 4 months of not speaking.. shes an asshole but i guess i'll believe her if she said she's changed. :-( i have a test next period and i think im fucked!
okay it was pretty easy nevermind :p okay i justgot it back and i got a 48/50!!!!! MOTHER ARE YOU PROUD!!
