november 19 2025 23:21

first entry! i have so much to share :) but let me say this: this is basically going to be me documenting my situations, feelings, everything personal, i guess. anyone is welcome to view and read. i'm planning on updating and adding to this — personal yet very public web diary — very frequently. that out of the way, i want to express my feelings now.

i'm very… very mentally unstable. i'm undiagnosed, i'm not in therapy, i have no friends and… you know what? life is great. (note: read in sarcastic tone)

i recently stopped hanging out with my “friends” at school. they paid no attention to me whatsoever; i got tired. beyond tired. so i left. and now i'm all alone. they don't even look in the same direction as me. that’s fine. i'm okay with that.

recently i did make a new friend, and i was so happy, believe me. we hung out for a few days, i went to their house, they met my parents, we spent so much time together. they felt like… an actual friend, not some stupid classmate that i call a friend because we're closer than classmates yet we aren't considered friends at all. We shared the same situation: our friends not caring about us. We dreamed of having a big friend group and drawing and talking until our hearts were content. i felt like this friendship was actually going to last forever.

until. it ended. so suddenly.

and now i'm back to square one. no one to talk to, no one to look at with a smile. no one. i feel like a waste of space anytime i'm in public. i'm alone until i'm not until i am. i'm trying to find solace in my own quiet dependency. i constantly say to myself, “i don't need anyone. i'm fine. i mean… i'm living. not happily, but i'm here!” i guess so, man. fuck. i guess so.

i'm so hungry that i'm starting to shake while typing this. i'm gonna go. bye :)

november 20th 2025 09:46

im supposed to be in class right now, but im at home. i can't keep doing this. my absences will affect my grades, especially since finals are coming up soon. my parents think im missing because of some deeper reason—to fucking annoy them or because im getting bullied or something. it's not that at all. every time i miss class, it makes me feel like an empty pit is growing in my stomach, knowing im becoming a disappointment so early in my high school career. they always look at me with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. i deserve every lecture and scolding coming from any elder i know, yet i can't allow myself to listen. sorry.